Stop Stop Stop Dont Do IT....

--Overheard in Target:

Older dude talking to 30 something son.

Older dude: Do you think she would wear something like this? (Looking at some kind of creme colored knit sweater coatish thing with a belt)

30 Something Male: UM yes.

Older Dude: How about this one? Takes one off rack that would fit a very large woman

30 Something Male: No that's to big.

Older Dude: Are you sure?

30 Something Male: OMG yes

Note to males rushing around trying to buy last minute presents for loved ones. If you don't know your gals taste in clothes don't buy her clothing. I for one hate Turtlenecks and anything cowlish looking. I have a giraffe neck and I don't want it to look any longer then it is. Besides with my ample chest and swimmers shoulders that style makes me look like a linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys. For the record I am a fan of Macys/Bloomingdales INC line. Lots of V necks that accentuate the decolletage and give me my nice granola girl vibe. With a nice pair of jeans and my 3inch knee high Bandolino boots (sorry Change100 I just cant do 4 inches in heels yet). It makes my 5'5" slightly zoftig frame look tres chic and slim.

If you are going to buy clothing go small. It can always be exchanged. If you buy too big the first thing that is going to come into your gals head is: Does he really think I'm that Fawking Huge? Do I need to go on diet? The whole holiday will be shot to hell and you wont get laid because your gal will be thinking about her upcoming New Years Resolution to lose that ten lbs she put on over the last year (even if it is evenly distributed). She wont be thinking of Cosmo's sex Secrets or the Nerve.com's position of the day. Cold showers and rubbing one out, are what will be in store for your boys and company as you ring in the New Year.

Shoes, handbags, perfume and gift certificates for pedicures, manicures, facials are always appreciated. Sexy lingerie is acceptable too if your gal has a playful side but no to a robe or pajamas or slippers for Goodness sakes. That's about as much thought as a tie for your guy. My motto is I reserve the mundane undies for that time of the month and when I am 100% positive I will not be around the male gender. Otherwise its the Vicky's secret sexy lingerie and thongs. VPL is just in bad taste (that is visible panty line). I believe when you wear the sexy lingerie you just feel sexy and not like your grandma. And Ladies never be afraid your bum is too big to wear a thong, V string etc. Your guy isn't going to give too shits when hes behind you getting it on. Your butt actually looks smaller too. Who'd a thunk it.

I'm all about good kitchenware and knives but not all women are. Some women don't think any thought goes into housewares. But if your gal loves to spend time in the kitchen then I for one think those types of gifts are appreciated. I like nice sauces and condiments for finishing off my dishes. And if your gal loves sports how about tickets for two to a game with a dinner. Time spent with your guy or gal is really the best gift you can give.

I of course should have posted this about three weeks ago but better late then never. If you avoid the slippery slope of clothing all together your Christmas will be Merry, cheery and bright. You will avoid THE LOOK. Anyone who has ever opened something they didn't want knows exactly what I am talking about. The look of oh gee thank you with a roll of the eyes and the sigh that isn't exhaled.

And my second belated, long over-due post is up on the Phish and music Blog. If you dig music of any kind check out the recent postings. It is way more then just Phish. I promise you there is something for everyone there.