--Ive been thinking about it for a while now. After bubbling two tourneys this week where I got my money in both times with the best hand 4 handed with top three paying only to lose to a weak rag Ace (A4 2x) and a host of other suckouts I am convinced that I am the female version of Waffles and the unluckiest person in the world. It wasn't always this way. I definitely don't have a blessed account.
Ive made some big improvements in my game over the year and I'm probably only a subscription to PokerXFactor away from tweaking my game in the right direction. Time is a precious commodity for me though and I cant justify the subscription expense if I cant commit to studying the videos etc to get my moneys worth out of it. The sad fact remains, the big online score continues to evade me. I am tired and jealous of seeing my friend push through the plateau and raking in some big scores, while my bankroll heads south or stays the same online.
I like immediate gratification and if I don't get a payback from something I put time into then I figure its time to move on. Maybe its time for a break, maybe its time to become a cash game player. Maybe its just time to work on the music blog or create a food blog and work lots of overtime to feather my retirement.
And frankly I have tons of books and DVDs to catch up on and could survive on playing live once or twice a week. I keep feeling that the time I spend spinning my wheels online is frivolous and would be better served doing something better with my time. I can get pretty much anything to grow and I can bake and cook up a storm, but I cant get out of the way of some donkey chip leader who calls with a redonkulous J2S and flushes me out on the river chasing.
I still will get my weekly live fix in and once the club is remodeled they well hopefully be spreading games on more nites. My live league goes till the end of March and Vegas will soon be around the corner. But I most be honest, Id be just as happy eating out, shopping and railing friends then shuffling chips in Vegas. Ive even thought about returning to my Blackjack roots.
I'm not happy that poker is making me unhappy. I'm not happy with the person I'm becoming. I'm restless, irritable and discontent and its making me surly and angry.
I've seen the disenchantment with poker in Pauly, Otis, Kat and CC. I'm at a turning point and taking time off is probably the best thing to do. Heck I'm more interested in talking football playoffs and Roger Clemons and Into Thin Air with Snake5970 (who is heading to the Borgata Monday-Friday next week) then detailing my bad beats and why I suck as a player.
There is a saying that This too shall pass. Im not so sure that a Kirk Morrison break from poker isnt due.